Sunday, September 27, 2009

It's Time For Burning Sage

For those tuned in to the channel of the train wreck of my life, you know I'm having a string of not-entirely-devastating-but-certainly-aggravating luck which has like surfaced out of nowhere like a soul onslaught. So I repeat that none of these things are life-shattering or anything, but they are weighing me down and definitely affecting my mood which is a precariously fragile little thing to begin with. Claire and Elizabeth suggested some good old house cleansing via sage burning. Guys, I am SO TOTALLY doing this.

So before we went away on vacation in August, a series of mishaps were occurring... lost my cell phone, lost my driver's licence, broke my favorite sunglasses, left my purse 2 hours away from home with my wallet in it... like all on top of each other. All with the back drop of packing an entire house, moving into a rental, dealing with switching 2 children's school districts, and building a new house. So this extra hassle kinda stuff outside of the normal "mommy covered with poo and chaos" kind of stuff kept happening. Like the extra layer Koo-Koo icing on the Insanity cake. Like bad Feng Shui going postal.

So, we're on vacation and all is good. But then we return and it's like the one car accident and then another car accident and then the lost wine opener and the lost Internet...

So when last I left off in my story, I was whining, griping and complaining and had been in 2 car accidents in 9 days. Both accidents have significant damage to the car. Both accidents have a deductible of $1,000 dollars. Each. That makes $2,000 right there, because they are 2 separate claims. Then, a week after those two accidents I decide it would be nice to destroy the ENTIRE 4 corners of my car so I hit a rusty old pole thus damaging the ONE corner left of the car that had nothing wrong with it. Scrapped the paint clean off down to the raw metal. Yeah, I know. Don't park near me. Or like, in the entire state of NJ.

Then, just yesterday we learn that we got ripped off for about $3,000 on our master bathroom vanity that we ordered online. Paid in full. Waiting on its delivery. The company just vanished. With our money and probably a lot of other innocent people's money. Lovely. Unfortunately, we paid for it with a debit card, not a credit card, but hopefully we'll be able to recover the money. Even if we do, this is total hassle because we need to find a NEW one which isn't as easy as it may seem... and it's a big ole kick in the morale when things are already swirling down the drain.

Then, like today, it was totally weird. We go out shopping for a new vanity and other new house related stuff with the 4 girls (fun, fun) and my husband gives Tink and Pink a stupid hard candy... like these Wurther's Original Butterscotch hard candies. You know, the kind that are the perfect dimensions of a 3 1/2 year old child's windpipe... Like they were created for the sole purpose of total airway obstruction, except they taste really good so you just overlook those obvious drawbacks. So, we're in the middle of this stupid crowded kitchen and bath store with Rella all wild and CB all wild and Pink comes running up to us all frazzled like "Tink's choking!!!" and Tink is following behind her purple faced and doing the Universal Choking Sign which must be totally innate or something because certainly no one taught her that. My husband picks her up but she's crying... kinda. It's like a partial obstruction of her airway. That stupid candy is right there teetering on her gag reflex poised to go down either her throat or her windpipe. I think she'll be okay... she crying and I hear her...

And then, she is soundless and the lack of sound is deafening and her lips are grayish blue and she's gagging but nothing is coming out and she is now completely and officially choking. For total real. My husband couldn't see her because he was holding her away from him, but I saw her and saw the capillaries bursting in her eyes and she was full of panic. At that moment, so was I. I started screaming to him and he flips her over banging on her back and I don't even care that once again our family is making a gigantic spectacle of ourselves as usual. I lost my pride years ago. But, I ain't about to lose a kid.

The candy shifted, but did not come out but rather decided to lodge itself right at the apex of her esophagus where she cried and cried saying it hurt because it was sitting right there like a lump and it wasn't coming up or going down. But she could breathe. And then, after about a minute of crying and getting her to drink water, her body convulsed once and she projectile vomited the thing out across the floor.


So then, we go to our new house because we go there everyday practically and because our whole street is still a construction site with big empty lots and giant piles of dirt, it attracts a lot of kids on dirt bikes and kids with paint balls. Well today, it was kids with a 4 wheeler. Kids that looked too young to be 4 wheeling. And they were. They ended up flipping over and this one 7th grade boy got really hurt right in front of our house. His head was all smashed up and bloody and his ankle most definitely broken. It was quite a scene and we helped him and stayed with them until his friends got his mom. But the woman who came WASN'T his mom, she was one of the other boy's moms but we didn't know that. She was so nasty and screaming at the boys - especially her son- and like completely ignored us and never once made eye contact or said thank you she was just pissed and angry and swearing and just grabbed this kid and threw him in the car and zoomed off. She was real rough around the edges. And I thought, crap... is THIS the kind of neighborhood we're moving into? Though I'm sure it's not. She was just a little NOT what I'm used to. I think I saw her on Jerry Springer once.

"You're welcome" we thought, choking on her truck exhaust as she drove away. It was just a totally surreal experience, particularly following the whole almost choking to death thing.

So, basically it's 1:00 am right now,I'm tired of being negative, I think my husband is totally sick of me and my complaining and I'm just totally weired out by this black cloud of doom and I need some flippin' SAGE to burn. I'm getting some tomorrow. Things are just getting out of hand.


Corrie Howe said...

Wow. I could ask, "Can it get any worse?" But I'm afraid I'll jinx you. So I won't.

How does one even respond to all the weirdness of your life? Makes an entertaining blog. Makes the little annoyances in my life laughable. Hope you stay in NJ with your black cloud....

Well, I guess I just won't comment today.

Mama Deb said...

I'm right there with you, sans the car accidents. (knock on wood) But NOT sans the car scrapes. Luckily the third bumper on ours was courtesy of my husband who nailed it on a giant boulder as we were pulling out of the parking lot at a hiking trail.
I love the smell of burning sage and am right there with you on the willingness to try anything. I will do some cleansing with you!

Mama Deb said...

Um, that should be third 'corner' NOT bumper. Though perhaps I would be better off it my car had three bumpers?? Business plan for the perfect new Mom-mobile, anyone?

Anonymous said...

oh honey.

there is at least one thing to be thankful for - tink's o.k.

sending some prayers your way, friend.

Carrie Wilson Link said...

It works. I just did my whole house, too. It's stinky, but oh, so worth it!

Tanya @ TeenAutism said...

Okay, if Carrie does it, you know it's got to work. That, and Mercury's out of retrograde tomorrow, so things should normalize soon. We can hope! So glad Tink's okay.

Elizabeth said...

I'm so sorry, but by the end of this post I was cracking up. Shoulders shaking, stifling my laughter. The only thing I have to say is, "Join me, laugh, because this is actually so bad, so absurd that it's fucking hilarious." I especially liked how you threw in that your husband hates you -- I know that feeling.

Hope things turn around and you start finding pots of gold at the end of rainbows.

Chrissy said...

Yep, after all of that, I'd say sage is a good idea. I think I'll try it too!

Beth L. Gainer said...

WOW. That's a really bad few days. I'm soooo glad that Tink was OK. That sounded so scary. Hopefully, things will get better soon.

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