Thursday, October 15, 2009

Some Things Are Sacred

My husband and I are very fiscally responsible. Basically, I'm frugal. He's cheap. I buy things on sale and clip coupons and hold back on the "impulse buying." I seldom buy ANYTHING for myself, and if I do (aside from the UGGS that then got a hole in them a year later) it's far from glamorous. The kids are mostly 99% in hand-me-downs. This is what I mean by frugal.

My husband? Cheap. Here's the difference. He turns off the lights when I'm still IN the room doing dishes, puts the car in neutral every 20 yards while driving to "coast" as much as possible to save gas, and orders ONE drink at a restaurant which we then pass around the table for all 6 of us. He's been known to stop into WaWa (a convenience store) to pick up the free saltines as a snack for the girls. (They are very tasty saltines by the way). I won't even get started on the cell phone bill discussions.

Well, NOW he's taken the cake. We had a 15 minute discussion the other day about the excessive consumption of toilet paper in our household. TOILET PAPER!! He's done an analysis of our square-per-wipe usage and feels we GIRLS in the house are over-using. Dead effing serious. He's telling ME how many SQUARES I should allot for myself and each of the 2 toilet trained girls. The only part that's funny is that during this whole conversation I'm laughing my butt off waiting for the punch line, but he was totally sober. While he wasn't angry or annoyed, he was was making his point much like a lawyer. A slightly deranged lawyer, mind you. I thought he was going to whip out a bar graph at one point.

So, apparently, we're on SQUARE RATION now. Better invest in the 2-ply.

Is it just ME or is there something really wrong when you're being told how to wipe your own cooch?

Yeah, I'm drawing the line here. Some things are just sacred.

18 comments:

Nancy Campbell said...

Love the blog.

This is far too close to my own home. My husband insists on buying the cheap-o toilet paper and then complains when we run out...about twice a year (we buy the massive amount at BJ's).

I will never share the WaWa crackers tidbit, because that means the end of all "real" snacks on the road.

Claire said...

Men cannot dictate toilet paper to women...not until they ARE women. Stand your ground, my dear, the troops are behind you! (no pun intended!)

Jacquie said...

start being extravagant with something bigger..... like butter! he'll back off that toilet paper when his mind is on something else. You and the girls can throw suggestions into a hat... how do we torture daddy this week... real bonding moments...

Girlie | Digital Room said...

Hi Alicia,

Thanks for visiting our blog and for leaving a comment on our design post.

I'm glad your loved the vintage posters!

Your kids look so adorable.

Arielle Bair (Becker) said...

Hehe. Love the blog. :)

rhemashope said...

This reminds me of a time I was doing volunteer work in Ethiopia. Where I was, toilet paper was very hard to come by. I asked my parents to ship me toilet paper. I stole toilet paper rolls out of a ritzy hotel in Addis Ababa. And then I rationed. 3 squares per potty usage. NO EXCEPTIONS.

Elizabeth said...

Tell your husband that when I was in college, our sorority (yes, I'm ashamed to admit that I was actually in a sorority at a big southern university) had this same discussion. During a chapter meeting, the accountant, a 21-year old girl, stood up and discussed the price per square and how much we were wasting. I remember thinking JEEZ, this woman is messed up! Now, I'm not judging your husband, but JEEZ.

Tanya @ TeenAutism said...

Reminds me of that Seinfeld episode with the line "I can't spare a square" - ha!

erika said...

I thought MY husband was bad, but i guess you win :) Your post made me laugh out loud.

Queenbuv3 said...

I am cheap but I am willing to spring for certain luxury items. T.p. is a necessity!!

Gee, how is a man supposed to have any right to tell a woman how much tp to use when he doesn't have a vagina!?

On a personal note, when I pee it gets all over my inner thighs. My daughter reports the same problem. I definately need a nice big wad of t.p. to clean up after a nice big pee.

I stocked up on the Marcal paper every time they came out with the FREE roll coupons so I literally have a stockpile of t.p. that will last a year...or two.

I'm on your side here. Until he gets a vagina he has no authority in this area!!

Sarah Menser said...

Thanks for the laugh!!!!!!!!!

Karen said...

are we allowed to ask how many squares you have been rationed?
as the only girl in my house, if this happened, I'd stage a massive protest.

sheree said...

holy crap! Don't ever let him know that there are actually people out there that have fabris ass wipes that they re-use.

lmao

Maggie May said...

No, no, it's definitely NOT you.

It's him.

Beth L. Gainer said...

I was laughing so hard at this posting, though limiting TP usage in a houseful of women is not an option. Stick to your convictions!! You are in the right.

mrs.notouching said...

ROFL! Seriously... I will need new floors now.

Single Dad / Disabled Daughter said...

Does he realize that those of the "opposite" sex actually use toilet paper no matter what they do in the bathroom? It wasn't until late in life that I learned you use it when you pee, too! Guess I never thought about it. Anyway, may you can find one of these on Ebay!

therocchronicles said...

*snort*

I remember having an argument with my husband in the grocery store not long after I had my son about cheap (sandpaper) toilet paper vs. the more expensive soft kind! I won, but only after explaining very loudly that I wasn't going to use sandpaper on the stitches I had to get after HIS son tore his way out of my body!!

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