First Day

This day seemed so far away. After years of having three small children at home all day under the ages of three... changing incessant diapers... unable to go anywhere from my own bathroom to the grocery store to the gyno without tiny people accompanying me... I am putting the third of my four children on the bus for school.  

I am not ecstatically happy if you must know.  In fact, there is a little emptiness in my heart where the wind blows through.  I miss my little Tink on this, her first day of big girl school.  

My heart... my laughter...my sidekick.  My Tinkie-Girl.  

Today starts the first day of school for Tink and the last day of endless time strung out before her, carefree, with zero responsibilities.  For the rest of her life, starting now, she will either be going to school or working. For. Ev. Ver. It's over.  She's officially entered "the mix," "the rat race."

Okay, it's just half-day Kindergarten, but I'm going for dramatic effect here.

My friend asked her "Are you going to Kindergarten in the morning or afternoon?"  She replied "Neither.  I'm PM."  That's my concrete girl.  

So, she got on the bus at noon and I tried to be brave for her.  It helped that her B.F.F.L. Jolie was on the bus, squealing Tink's name and saving her a seat.  Tink was so stoic as she sat in her seat that she neglected to look out the window and wave goodbye to her Mommy.  Probably for the best.  The stupid smile on my face wasn't masking the tears.  

And with that, she was gone.  Driven by a complete stranger (who was 30 minutes late I might add).  I'm so proud of her.  I'm so happy.  But the sick, sadistic part of me misses when they all were little.  Psychotic as I was when in the thick of Babypallooza.  It's twisted, I know.  

Pink entered SECOND grade.  Of course she knew the drill so she was excited instead of nervous.  I remember putting her on the Kindergarten bus like it was just yesterday.  Of course, the day before yesterday, I held her 8 pound 6 ounce body in my arms.  Funny how parenthood falls into that weird time-space continuum, time warp thing.  

And guess who is back after three weeks away in Maryland?  My Sweet Sixteen is back home and back to school too.  As you can see, she's thrilled....

The sweetest part about the first day of school is not the excitement of sending them off.  

It's the joy of having them return home.