Thursday, January 16, 2014


There are a great many things that need to happen when a child like CB turns 18 and is no longer a child. But, still is.

Transitions, they call them. Obtaining Legal Guardianship, applying to Social Services for Disability, going from pediatric doctors and specialists to adults, planning for what happens after school is done (in our case, at 21).   

So, a recent conversation I had with someone regarding all this stuff went something like this:

"You haven't done all that yet?"
*mild bewilderment*
"Why not?"

Because it represents her growing up. 
Because I'm taking away her rights. 
Because I'm scared and daunted and too emotional. 
Because I don't want to think about the future.  
Because I want her to stay a child forever. 
Because I wish she wouldn't stay a child forever. 
Because I need to live forever. 
Because it's so, so much to think about.

"I dunno.  Lazy, I guess."


Elizabeth said...

Well, you know I hear you. And since I've already done it, I'm here to tell you that every one of those thoughts has gone through my head, that the logistics of doing it will supercede the fears and that you will do it and all will be much the same. You can call me or email me any time you need support.

kario said...

I can't imagine. The bureaucracy notwithstanding, the notion that she is growing older is a daunting one.

Much love.

Doreen DiDomenico said...

When Wendy was approaching her 18th Birthday, I gathered all my information and paperwork about guardianship, all ready to move ahead and do what was necessary. Planning was one thing; acting on it was another. I didn't actually file until last year when she was approaching her 21st birthday and the hearing is actually scheduled for this week (1/24/14). I am praying that the judge will decide the matter 'on paper' and not ask us to be present. Intellectually, I know it's a bureaucratic formality that she wouldn't even understand. Rationally, I know it's in her best interests. Realistically, it's something that I've anticipated for years. But emotionally, it will break my heart again and again whether it's a diagnosis, or a classification, or an IEP determination, or this time, a legal order to show cause that my daughter is an 'incapacitated person.' Wish us luck! And of course, love and good wishes to you!

Alicia D said...

@Doreen - I completely understand. Wow. This week, huh? GOOD LUCK! Sending positive vibes your way :) It's for the best (of course I know this and you know this) but boy it's attached to so many emotions as a mother! I guess that's what has taken me over a year to even take a step.... oh, as if a step has even been TAKEN other than a phone call LOL!

@Elizabeth - So inspired by your "take action and just do it" method :). You must feel such a sense of relief :)

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