Nine Inch Nails

Should I get Acrylic Nails? This is the hot topic on my mind lately, which is quite bizarre because if you know me you know I don't seem the type that would have acrylic nails. Not that there is a "type" necessarily, and not that there is anything WRONG with having nicely manicured nails, real or enhanced. I only say it's not really "me" because I spend almost every day make-up-less, in jeans and zip-up hoodies, hair in a ponytail and little jewelry. My nails are seldom painted, very frail and brittle, and often broken into various lengths. I'm not very stylish and don't keep up with fashion trends or general personal hygiene. I'm constantly trapped in the "Before" picture, never quite living up to my potential.

If you are still following this boring diatribe about my nails, I fear for your sanity. But, if for some reason this one-sided conversation is compelling and you're expecting some really witty anecdote , I really think you might be in for a huge disappointment. I have this strange feeling this post is going nowhere... Back to my acrylic nails dilemma.

Do I need them? No. Do I like them? I'm not sure. I don't really have an opinion one way or the other. They look nice, sure. Sure. I like them. Do I have to time to get those "fill ins" every 2 weeks or whatever? No. Well, even if I have the time, do I have the inclination? Let's see, I get my hair cut once a year, go to the dentist once every 4 years, and the eye doctor once every 10 years (I am practically legally blind and wear my contacts far longer than is healthy, which is why I probably have chronic blood shot eyes). I wear one pair of shoes all winter long, one pair of sandals all summer long, and get really pissy if I have to wear heels. I only buy clothes for myself if I can't fit into something anymore. I am the epitome of low maintenance. So, why am I even considering acrylic nails, a reasonably high maintenance commitment of time?

Somehow, I am under this delusion that they will make me appear "put together." That even on my rattiest days, when I'm on day 5 without a shower, when there is baby barf on my shirt and I'm in the same jeans I've worn for 2 weeks, when there are huge dark circles under my eyes, people will see my nails and think: "Gee, now that's a put-together woman." You think I'm joking, but the crazy thing is that I'm not. This is my entire rationale. Make sense? No? Ah, that's because you are of the Sane species. Hey, maybe a girl just needs a little something to feel girly.