One of my favorite words is "hyperbole." It is not the definition that I love, but rather the way the word itself sounds. The way it dances with a sexy fluidity off of the tongue. The way, when you hear it used, you think to yourself "I know that word, but it never gets used enough." Then, you try to remember its meaning but it evades you.
My penchant for the word "hyperbole" (and the word "penchant")has caused me to ponder the other great words in our English language I never use. The words I wish to use more frequently without sounding like a pompous ass. These dusty, GRE words of my dreams include:
These words have been annihilated from my grammatical garden only to be replaced by the weeds of common Mommy vernacular:
Furthermore, my charming, Emily post-like repartee has been shucked of all wit, banter, worldliness and sophistication. Not that I ever really ever WAS that charming or HAD any repartee or wit. But, I like to recreate history and pretend that I did. Or pretend that, sans rugrats, I would lapse into prose rivaling Edna St. Vincent Millay (Oh, she's showing off now!!!) Until then, here are my most frequent and scintillating conversation starters:
Stop licking the ___________ (car, shopping cart, sidewalk)
Don't eat it! Get a tissue.
Hold it in! Hold it in!
Did you wipe?
Did you wash your hands?
You can't be outside naked.
I don't care.
Because I said so.
Wait until your father gets home.
I don't know.
Get back in bed!
I said no.
If I have to say it one more time _______ (Fill in the blank with any type of horrific parental threat that will come up in your child's therapy 10 years later).
Ah, all those years of higher education have prepared me well for the Language of Motherhood.