Thursday, January 6, 2011


I was hoping with the new neurologist and additional meds
that the seizures would start abating. 
We were clear for a few weeks, but Monday night at 4:00 am
we had another bout of that nasty "post-ictal psychosis." 

Of all she and I have been through,
the aggressive psychosis following some of her seizures
is the toughest thing in the world to witness. 
 I can only imagine how scary it is for her. 

The injury she inflicts on me in this state is not in her punches. 
The wounds sustained are only in my heart. 
 It's times like these when I realize
there is nothing harder for a mother
than watching
as her child
falls apart.


Anonymous said...

your writing touches my heart in so many ways-thank you.

Elizabeth said...

I am so sorry to hear this -- and right there with you in nearly every way. I wish for relief for you and her -- and ease.

Jacquie said...

I'm sorry. Physical pain subsides. It's the emotional pain that doesn't leave. You wake in the morning, and have the brief peace, but never make it out of the shower without being reminded of it. The drive that used to be peaceful and rejuvinating.. now offers the quiet that lets your mind scream.
And to know our pain doesn't equal theirs..How do we or they go on?
I know you'll find the right Dr. to offer the answer. It's there.

Kim said...

I'm so sorry for your pain and for how scary it must be for your girl. I wish I could offer more. Your writing always touches me. Hoping for some peace today for you.

kario said...

What a gift you are giving her by simply being there with her and acknowledging her pain and caring for her. She knows how much you wish you could "fix" it, you know.

Sending love and light.

mommy~dearest said...

This is so true... I feel so helpless, and my heart breaks every single time I witness my son's SIB's. It never gets easier.

Maggie May said...

i am here, reading and praying for you and your girl.

dluvscoke said...

I am sorry that you are having these feelings. It's so hard being a mother of a child with special needs. I am glad, however, that you are comfortable enough with your readers to post your most intimate feelings. Know that we are thinking about you and wish we could help.

Anonymous said...

so very sorry, friend.

tiffrutherf said...

Hang in there..its hard, but hang in there!

Autism Mom Rising said...

Oh boy do I hear this, I've lived it and my heart hurts for you both right now. Have they ever tried Prednisone?

Richelle said...

This brought me to tears, as I also struggle with my daughter's SIB's and aggression towards others. I hate to see her hurting herself and it breaks my heart to wonder what is going through her mind. Truly heartbreaking...

sheree said...


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