When CB was very young
I would have bizarre dreams
like the one where I was pushing a
shopping cart full of random belongings
like the homeless
on the city streets.
I ended up in a strange house
arguing with a nun.
Soon, in my rage,
I started screaming at her
and then crying hysterically.
Suddenly, my angry sobs turned
to grief and shame
and I hugged her;
hugged her tightly, begging
please forgive me
please forgive me
please forgive me
Over and over I choked out these words
through broken sobs
clutching the nun
until the words suddenly morphed into
I forgive you
I forgive you
I forgive you
and
I was holding
my daughter.
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2 comments:
My friend Carrie has a theory that every character that shows themselves in our dreams is a representation of some part of us. In that light, you would be expressing your frustration with yourself and, in the end, forgiving yourself. I like that.
This made me catch my breath.
I know that there are times that I have actually told Sophie that I was sorry -- sorry that I couldn't help her more, sorry that her life has been so difficult in so many ways, sorry when I haven't been patient -- sorry most of all, that I can't stop her seizures.
This made me think of those times -- and I probably don't forgive myself -- although I imagine Sophie has or does --
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