Thursday, July 12, 2012


When CB was very young
I would have bizarre dreams
like the one where I was pushing a  
shopping cart full of random belongings
like the homeless 
on the city streets.

I ended up in a strange house
arguing with a nun.

Soon, in my rage,
I started screaming at her 
and then crying hysterically.

Suddenly, my angry sobs turned 
to grief and shame
and I hugged her; 
hugged her tightly, begging

please forgive me
please forgive me
please forgive me

Over and over I choked out these words 
through broken sobs 
clutching the nun
until the words suddenly morphed into

I forgive you
I forgive you
I forgive you

I was holding 
my daughter.


kario said...

My friend Carrie has a theory that every character that shows themselves in our dreams is a representation of some part of us. In that light, you would be expressing your frustration with yourself and, in the end, forgiving yourself. I like that.

Elizabeth said...

This made me catch my breath.

I know that there are times that I have actually told Sophie that I was sorry -- sorry that I couldn't help her more, sorry that her life has been so difficult in so many ways, sorry when I haven't been patient -- sorry most of all, that I can't stop her seizures.

This made me think of those times -- and I probably don't forgive myself -- although I imagine Sophie has or does --

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