On the eve of CB's 18th Birthday there are a lot of things I could write. However, I'm feeling a bit non-poignant tonight. CB wasn't her best this evening. Certainly there have been worse days. She didn't break an expensive, flat screen TV or paint the entire house with the contents of her diaper. It was just her moodiness... her inability to let me know (or even know herself) what she wanted. That, coupled with the fact that Thursdays are a "shuttling back and forth night" with after-school activities, just made annoying things much more annoying.
I kept thinking "Man, I'm so glad today isn't her birthday," mainly because I was not having peaceful, awesome thoughts about Autism today.
I wrote the above earlier tonight. I'm returning to the computer after rushing into CB's room following a big "Thud" where I found her on the floor in the throes of a grand mal seizure that had knocked her out of bed.
I thought about how much I hate seizures and then I thought again: "Man, I'm so glad today's not her birthday."
But it's the eve of her birthday and after 18 years so little has changed. I'm still watching seizures. I'm still sitting vigil. I still have yuck days in between the ones where I have everything all figured out. Yet, there are more days I have things figured out which has been the biggest change of all.
I had different plans for tonight's series of "The CB Diaries." A story about a gingerbread cake. I just don't have it in me right now, so I'll tell it another day. It's 11:00 and I'm going to go to bed to pretend that I'll actually fall asleep.
Since it's tHERsDay I will just randomly shove in some old photos I found of CB with baby Tink. This was June of 2006 and CB was a big sister for the second time.
These pictures have nothing to do with my post, but they make me happy.