On the eve of CB's 18th Birthday there are a lot of things I could write. However, I'm feeling a bit non-poignant tonight. CB wasn't her best this evening. Certainly there have been worse days. She didn't break an expensive, flat screen TV or paint the entire house with the contents of her diaper. It was just her moodiness... her inability to let me know (or even know herself) what she wanted. That, coupled with the fact that Thursdays are a "shuttling back and forth night" with after-school activities, just made annoying things much more annoying.
I kept thinking "Man, I'm so glad today isn't her birthday," mainly because I was not having peaceful, awesome thoughts about Autism today.
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I wrote the above earlier tonight. I'm returning to the computer after rushing into CB's room following a big "Thud" where I found her on the floor in the throes of a grand mal seizure that had knocked her out of bed.
I thought about how much I hate seizures and then I thought again: "Man, I'm so glad today's not her birthday."
But it's the eve of her birthday and after 18 years so little has changed. I'm still watching seizures. I'm still sitting vigil. I still have yuck days in between the ones where I have everything all figured out. Yet, there are more days I have things figured out which has been the biggest change of all.
I had different plans for tonight's series of "The CB Diaries." A story about a gingerbread cake. I just don't have it in me right now, so I'll tell it another day. It's 11:00 and I'm going to go to bed to pretend that I'll actually fall asleep.
Since it's tHERsDay I will just randomly shove in some old photos I found of CB with baby Tink. This was June of 2006 and CB was a big sister for the second time.
These pictures have nothing to do with my post, but they make me happy.
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6 comments:
Alicia, I read your comments and just want to hug you for saying things I think or things that I know I will experience someday but haven't gotten to yet. Thank you for your honestly and candid posts. I love reading every word you write.
Happy early birthday to CB! Hope her day is better for both of you. And, those pictures are beautiful (as usual).
Oh, dear Alicia. I love you so much.
By the time I read this, it was officially CB's 18th birthday. I am sending love and light your way along with wishes for a glorious birthday that offers you all exactly what you need today.
That was when we came to visit you!!!! What a fun time that was! I still remember you made the BEST EVER chicken and potato wedges for we three moms trying to loose the baby weight! We sat right there at that table ;0) I hope you + CB has a wonderful 18th year!
LOL Julia, That was so fun when you came to visit!! Gosh, it seems so long ago... the girls were just little babies then :) Hey, and the potatoes are so super easy and not bad for you. slice the potatoes, coat with a bit of olive oil and generously season with salt, onion and garlic powder and a tad of black pepper and then bake at 400. Easy Peasy!!
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