Wednesday, May 13, 2009
The World's Tiniest Violin Plays Just For Me (Or: If I'm Not Allowed To Indulge In a Little Self-Martyrdom, What's The Point?!?!?)
A friend of mine posted my blog entry "What I REALLY Wanted For Mother's Day" onto her Facebook page. She thought it was funny, and wanted to give me a little luv. Interestingly, one of her male friends (we'll call him Mr. X) was not so smitten with the post. In fact, he sounded mildly annoyed and threw out something to the effect of wanting Moms to "stop with the martyring."
And I'm thinking: What? I'm not allowed to self-martyr? Are you KIDDING me? Isn't that one of the perks of being a SAHM? What a total rip off.
So, I'm peeved now. Not that someone is 'calling me out' on my self-martyrdom streak, because I do enjoy a good nail to a cross every now and then. I am more upset that someone is suggesting that I should stop. STOP??!?! Dude, martyring is one of my most basic coping mechanisms. You take away my ability to martyr, poke fun at my husband, and lament about my surreal life, you take away the very glue that holds the pieces of my fragile psyche together! Because what you call simple martyring is inextricably tangled with the lifeline for any parent: To vent, find humor in, and throw yourself a pity party every now and then. Man, had I known all this was off limits, I might have thought twice about having kids in the first place. You'd think I'd get a special pass because I have to deal with a fecal smearing teen who doesn't speak, seizes, and has severe autism and cognitive delays. On TOP of the other 3 who are under 5. Sheesh... no brownie points for THAT either?!?! Well, that sucks...
If I follow Mr. X's advice, it kinda takes all the fun out of it. I mean, who wants to read a post about how happy my stupid day was, how awesome and romantic my husband is, and how perfectly angelic my children are? Who wants to read about how I see the silver lining in everything all the time like a minivan drivin' suburban Pollyanna? I know I don't. No offense to anyone. Don't get me wrong... I AM very positive, hopeful, and grounded in gratitude and love for the blessings God has given me. But, sometimes a girl's gotta vent and a few "woe is me" stories really get that party started.
Yes, I CHOOSE to be a SAHM and with that comes a certain type of life. I certainly can UNchoose it if I so desire. I gave up a career as a doctoral level psychologist after 10 long years of getting said degree. Obviously, I WANT to be home with my children. And, no, I don't want anyone to pin a medal on me. Nor do I think my life is any crazier than the next persons. But puh-leeeeze, don't take away one of the little shreds of sanity-saving bliss I have... even if it means I take some digs at my spouse, and wistfully dream about a Mother's Day where I can pee alone. Some days there's a tiny violin playing JUST FOR ME people! Cry me a river? Yes! Please do! There's no shame in my game. I want PITY POINTS!!!!
So, you found me out Mr. X... Facebook friend of a Facebook friend. You nailed it. To your disgust, I martyr a bit. I'm in Kiddiepallooza LITERALLY every second of my life... the peanut gallery is with me at the DMV and the Gyno, all night and all day. Sometimes, I want to put it out there for the world to say "Awwwww.... poor little you." So, congratulations; you've exposed me for my (gasp) humanness.
From now on, my blogging energies will focus on things much more palpable to the general public... Goodbye martyrdom and self-deprecation. Hello blanket statements, soapbox ranting, and general character assassination of people and situations I clearly know little to nothing about. Yes, that sounds WAY more awesome...