Wednesday, May 13, 2009

The World's Tiniest Violin Plays Just For Me (Or: If I'm Not Allowed To Indulge In a Little Self-Martyrdom, What's The Point?!?!?)


A friend of mine posted my blog entry "What I REALLY Wanted For Mother's Day" onto her Facebook page. She thought it was funny, and wanted to give me a little luv. Interestingly, one of her male friends (we'll call him Mr. X) was not so smitten with the post. In fact, he sounded mildly annoyed and threw out something to the effect of wanting Moms to "stop with the martyring."

And I'm thinking: What? I'm not allowed to self-martyr? Are you KIDDING me? Isn't that one of the perks of being a SAHM? What a total rip off.

So, I'm peeved now. Not that someone is 'calling me out' on my self-martyrdom streak, because I do enjoy a good nail to a cross every now and then. I am more upset that someone is suggesting that I should stop. STOP??!?! Dude, martyring is one of my most basic coping mechanisms. You take away my ability to martyr, poke fun at my husband, and lament about my surreal life, you take away the very glue that holds the pieces of my fragile psyche together! Because what you call simple martyring is inextricably tangled with the lifeline for any parent: To vent, find humor in, and throw yourself a pity party every now and then. Man, had I known all this was off limits, I might have thought twice about having kids in the first place. You'd think I'd get a special pass because I have to deal with a fecal smearing teen who doesn't speak, seizes, and has severe autism and cognitive delays. On TOP of the other 3 who are under 5. Sheesh... no brownie points for THAT either?!?! Well, that sucks...

If I follow Mr. X's advice, it kinda takes all the fun out of it. I mean, who wants to read a post about how happy my stupid day was, how awesome and romantic my husband is, and how perfectly angelic my children are? Who wants to read about how I see the silver lining in everything all the time like a minivan drivin' suburban Pollyanna? I know I don't. No offense to anyone. Don't get me wrong... I AM very positive, hopeful, and grounded in gratitude and love for the blessings God has given me. But, sometimes a girl's gotta vent and a few "woe is me" stories really get that party started.

Yes, I CHOOSE to be a SAHM and with that comes a certain type of life. I certainly can UNchoose it if I so desire. I gave up a career as a doctoral level psychologist after 10 long years of getting said degree. Obviously, I WANT to be home with my children. And, no, I don't want anyone to pin a medal on me. Nor do I think my life is any crazier than the next persons. But puh-leeeeze, don't take away one of the little shreds of sanity-saving bliss I have... even if it means I take some digs at my spouse, and wistfully dream about a Mother's Day where I can pee alone. Some days there's a tiny violin playing JUST FOR ME people! Cry me a river? Yes! Please do! There's no shame in my game. I want PITY POINTS!!!!

So, you found me out Mr. X... Facebook friend of a Facebook friend. You nailed it. To your disgust, I martyr a bit. I'm in Kiddiepallooza LITERALLY every second of my life... the peanut gallery is with me at the DMV and the Gyno, all night and all day. Sometimes, I want to put it out there for the world to say "Awwwww.... poor little you." So, congratulations; you've exposed me for my (gasp) humanness.

From now on, my blogging energies will focus on things much more palpable to the general public... Goodbye martyrdom and self-deprecation. Hello blanket statements, soapbox ranting, and general character assassination of people and situations I clearly know little to nothing about. Yes, that sounds WAY more awesome...

8 comments:

Claire said...

Poop on that guy! Bet his wife is secretely blogging about him somewhere!! (or she wishes she was) I raise my sippy cup to you, backed up by a full orchestra!

Claire said...

Oh, and you know what else...I bet this guy bought his wife/girlfriend lingerie and a good frying pan for Mother's Day!

Tanya @ TeenAutism said...

Don't change a thing! Some people have no idea what we go through.

Elizabeth said...

Whew! I hear you. I've gotten into some wicked episodes on Facebook -- and even in the comments section of my own blog. Carry on with the whining and, if you want, switch over to a cello. I'll join you with the tuba.

April said...

I'm peeved at Mr. X, too. He can talk once he's lived your life (including labor) for 24 hours. This is why I don't go to male gynecologists. How could they possibly understand?

rhemashope said...

You. are. hilarious. I love this.

Wish I lived next door to you. 8)

SE'LAH... said...

Striking up the band...way to tell them. I was a SAHM for 4.5 years after my daughter was born premature. You do what's right for you and your family and if it involves maybe just a little self-martyrdom...who are we to judge?

Kudos to you.

cameramom said...

My husband used to smugly comment on how he would gladly trade places with me and stay home with the boys instead of operating equiptment all day. I replied that if I had to figure out how to operate a bulldozer or a loader, I might actually get a bit of peace and quiet. Then one night I took my oldest son to something at school and left little brother home with Daddy..for an hour. When I got home you would have thought we were gone for days, the amount of complaining and moaning that went on. After that, the trading places comments disappeared completely. Believe me, I would take any of the things on your wish list for Mother's day, or any other holiday or for no reason at all and pretty much every stay at home parent I know would too.

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