American Education Week

This week is American Education Week in New Jersey and parents get an opportunity to go in and observe their child's classroom! I was just in Pink's class this morning and it was really cool.

Having my last three kids so close together was wonderful and I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.  But, it did pose some challenges.  Sleep, showering and sanity suffered.  Another challenge was that when Pink started Kindergarten it was nearly impossible for me to get in to the classroom to volunteer when I had 2 little ones still at home and no family around for childcare.  Same went for Tink when she started school - there was still little Rella running around. So, I didn't come in for "Mystery Reader" or help with Centers or volunteer to be Room Mom (the latter of which I actually have no interest in ever doing).

It's difficult for working parents to get into the school and sometimes it is difficult for stay at home parents as well.  Yet, I think we all like the idea of at least getting to observe the classroom environment when they are little, when we can. 

Rella, the last little duckling, got the least attention as a baby, all the hand-me-downs, and gets left out of her older sisters' games sometimes. But, she lucks out in that I can actually spend some time in her classroom once a month volunteering with Centers. It's really fun to get to know the kids better, the teacher better, and get a glimpse into the Kindergarten day.  

We are very fortunate to be in a great public school district.  I love the elementary school and so far, I'm loving Pink's new school, Grades 4 through 6, as well.  The teachers are incredible in our township, and though no school is ever without flaws, our district is pretty great. We're very proud to send our children here.  CB's school is amazing as well and these teachers, in my opinion, are even more deserving of praise. They work with a very, very challenging group of kids and not everyone can do it. 

Dr. Fabulous and I obviously value education. We should - we both completed 300 years of school and have doctorate degrees in Clinical Psychology. My father is a medical doctor and his mother received an honorary doctorate degree in the mental health field. In essence, my children come from a long line of nerds and bookworms. But these degrees certainly don't mean we're any smarter than anyone else.  In fact, I could list a million people I know who have more intelligence than I.  I just memorized a lot of things that won't serve me well in an Armageddon situation so... I'll be eaten first. 

Despite the fact that amount of schooling or grades can't always predict future success, I still strongly believe that a good education is invaluable for giving you the kind of flexibility you need to make a variety of choices in your life. I also strongly believe one of the main keys with education is not necessarily being the most naturally gifted or smartest. It's often about a family's value on education, the individual's motivation and desire to learn and their work ethic and good study habits. I am actually pretty painfully average cognitively. Yet, I've accomplished a great deal academically because I found a field of interest to me and had the tenacity to set a goal and not give up until I attained it. Obviously, the way my parents raised me had a lot to do with that.

It certainly takes great teachers, a school with resources and a quality curriculum to make sure our kids are prepared academically. And I'll never argue that success takes more than "book smarts."  Creativity, problem solving skills, SOCIAL and interpersonal skills, philanthropic behaviors are inarguably part of the equation. But everyone needs a solid academic foundation. The teachers, however, can't do everything. We as parents need to do our best to reinforce learning at home while our children are young and impressionable.

 Yet, it's hard, I admit.  My kids like to learn and they thankfully do not appear to have any learning or attentional difficulties. But they have their areas of strength and weakness and like most kids they don't necessarily like to always put EFFORT into things that don't come easily. Their motivation needs prodding sometimes. When learning comes easy, they're all into it.  When they start getting challenged? Sure, the frustration comes.  They are sometimes inclined to give up prematurely unless we intervene.

I rely on their teachers a great deal for all the ideas and resources and support they provide for us to work with the kids at home. The communication between teacher and parent is so important. It can be overwhelming when they let you know all these things you can do at home, but you don't have to do it all.  There are so many awesome apps and websites that certainly make learning fun (though they end up monopolizing my precious computer). I try to do the best I can. I think the idea is to just keep the kids practicing, especially over the weekends and longer breaks.

Above all, I am a firm believer in good old fashioned nose-in-a-book-with-real-pages READING. If I do nothing else, I always fall back on reading, reading, reading. My kids will read to themselves before bed, they'll read on the side lines while a sister is at soccer or swim practice. They'll read to each other. I'll read to them. A story app will read aloud as they follow along.

Did you know that if a child reads 20 minutes a day during the school year that they are exposed to
1,800,000 words? A student who reads 5 minutes each day?  282,000 words. Incredible.

I know not every kid takes to reading and some may even struggle with it.  I have some people in my extended family who struggle with reading. In those cases, the Mom reads to them (even though they are 13) and buys the Kindle Fire that can read aloud to you.  Whatever works for you.  Whatever works, just don't give up and give in.

Another thing I am a stickler about is getting homework done right away.  I think most people have the tendency to procrastinate. It's in our nature.  So, I'm trying to instill some good work habits NOW while I have the utmost of control as "The Mom," and hopefully some of it will stick.

Education is so important and I am tremendously thankful for those who dedicate their lives to teaching and school administration. While I certainly don't have any guarantees about how everything will go down with my children and school,  I do know that it is amazing to watch them learn and grow each day.

Paid My Dues

photo credit: heather designs

After  my husband put the girls on the bus at 8:00 am the house fell quiet. With Rella sleeping in, I grabbed the moment, made a quick cup of coffee and curled up in the oversized chair in the sunroom to read.  Minutes later, my husband popped back home instead of heading straight to the office as usual.  I can't remember what it was - he forgot his phone or he had a few minutes to spare and was hoping to see Rella.  As he laid eyes on me curled like a cat by the picture window with my Kindle in one hand and a red mug of coffee warming my other his look said it all.

"I'm workin' hard here!" I said, speaking his mind.

"I can see that" he laughed in reply.

"And I don't feel one bit guilty.  I paid my dues."

He gave some snarky but lighthearted retort and the truth is, I now have interludes of 'down time' during my day. At long last.  I can't deny this.  With just one single five-year-old home in the morning and then three hours alone every afternoon I feel like I've hit the emotional-rejuvination lottery.

I catch myself out at the coffee shop watching other moms juggling a conversation with a three year old clawing up their body like a cat on a scratching post and an infant in the car seat carrier fussing next to them.  I sit at an activity with other moms of little ones and don't have to pop up every 5 minutes for supervised potty breaks or a tearful meltdown or spilled cheerios.

Now that the Stay At Home Mom gig has become easier in many ways I almost feel the pull to apologize for it, not just to my husband but to the world.  That they need to know the road I traveled to get here - three under three and a 13 year old pre-teen with multiple disabilities plus a husband working 80 hours a week and no family and no regular babysitting.

At my Moonwriters group I told my friend Julie, balancing a three-year old boy on her lap during our meeting, that she reminded me of me four years ago - having such a passion for writing but struggling to find the time between the cracks in the chaos.  Four years ago, I had three children at home, ages 4, 3, and 18 months, all day, every day and it was an entirely different ball game yet here I am now sipping lattes, freelancing, writing a book. Sure, my house is a pig sty and I'm the only woman within a hundred mile radius of my neighborhood NOT training for a blessed triathlon, but I can't do it all. Yet, part of me still feels the need to sneak out a little apology as I dance in the streets.

I just want to walk around with a T-shirt that reads

PAID MY DUES

so the world knows I'm just not going out for mid-day jogs and eating bon bons.

Dr Fabulous continued to lightly tease to which I only answered, eyes still trained on the Kindle

"Paid 'em.  Paid my dues.  No guilt here buddy."

But by my third sip of coffee Rella's little footsteps could be heard padding down the stairs.

And while the day was un-stressful with a morning socializing at a friend's house exchanging ideas for a home organization binder then an afternoon shopping at Target for Tink's birthday party supplies ALONE, then about an hour of writing, the crap hit the fan when the girls disembarked the buses.

Tink missed the toilet and while I was cleaning up the puddle on the floor Rella was in the upstairs bathroom yelling that she pooped and I needed to wipe her hieney as the phone was ringing and CB was banging on the table non-stop and spilling a glass of water.  So I'm cleaning piss off the floor and talking to a parent RSVP'ing for Tink's party.  After that we began making Rice Krispie treats and mid-way through CB walked into the kitchen dripping of diarrhea so it was a floor clean-up and bath while all the kids bickered and the phone rang AGAIN two more times with other parents RSVP'ing and then dinner had to be made while homework was getting finished and it was like the longest 3 hours of the day and I thought to myself - I freakin' deserved that 4 minutes of quiet and coffee and that entire 3 paragraphs I read in my book.  I freakin' deserved it.

But because of those little reprieves during the day, I don't feel like I'm going to lose it 24-7 like I used to.  I really don't know how I did it before, but I suppose none of us do.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel and I'm looking at it right now.  Motherhood never gets easy, but it gets easier.  It does, and I for one am loving it.

Four Lanterns

I have an uncharacteristic throbbing headache today, but slept better last night even with Tink's 4:00 am awakening.  She's home sick with fever for the second day.  I'm not feeling too hot myself, but can't tell if it's just emotional or an illness coming on.  I'm just heavy in the body, mind, heart and spirit.  

The loss of hope and faith in both this world and beyond leaves an empty hole in the center of your soul.    

However, four lanterns appeared in my personal fog.   

I forced myself to attend my book club last night.  I let myself speak unfiltered and in doing so allowed myself to be vulnerable (which is something I find quite difficult).  I felt a little "I wonder if everyone thinks X, Y, and Z about me" for a few seconds afterwards but my long friendships with most of these women means I need to trust that we love and accept each other for who we are.  Unless I show who I am, no one can truly know me.

I read blogger Kelle Hampton's post entitled Restoration and it offered yet another small lantern in the dark.  I've stolen an excerpt she cited :  

“Don’t squander joy. We can’t prepare for tragedy and loss. When we turn every opportunity to feel joy into a test drive for despair, we actually diminish our resilience. Yes, softening into joy is uncomfortable. Yes, it’s scary. Yes, it’s vulnerable. But every time we allow ourselves to lean into joy and give in to those moments, we build resilience and we cultivate hope. The joy becomes part of who we are, and when bad things happen—and they do happen—we are stronger.” (from Daring Greatly, Gotham Books, 2012)

I took CB to get her blood drawn again this morning, with Tink (home sick from school) and Rella.  The phlebotomists there are the nicest ladies and we come so often that they always remember us.  A gentleman with disheveled clothing and missing teeth let us go ahead of him so CB didn't have an extra wait.  The ladies were sweet with her, despite her antics.  There is kindness in the world all around; in the small, everyday, simple ways.  There is kindness.

Finally, on the way home I heard one of my absolute favorite songs sung by my new band obsession, Mumford and Sons.  My spirit soars like a giant balloon whenever I hear it. 



My spirit didn't soar quite as high, but it's being restored.   

Birthdays, Voting, and Halloween - Not Necessarily In That Order

Trick or Treat was rescheduled for this past Monday as per the Governor's mandate.  Due to the days off of school, parades were pushed back until November 1st.  It was kind of weird to trick or treat on November 5th, but with all the candy and fun ask any kid if they truly cared what day it was on!!  

So, here was our Halloween Parade, a few days late but even more appreciated because we were a town that was able to HAVE one!!  For so many, my family in North Jersey included, Trick or Treating just didn't even happen.  

The three girls paraded just the way I would expect them to.  Tink was struttin' her stuff like she was on the catwalk as Little Red Riding Hood - complete with combat boots.  

Rella was (obviously) a little black kitty cat named Midnight.  She was happy but clinging onto her Speech Therapist's hand.  She always needs her "safe person."

And Pink felt so conspicuous, awkward and overwhelmed that she appeared thoroughly depressed, eyes cast downward and a sad frown on her face.  Oh, that girl breaks my freakin' heart!  And she's so darn lovely inside and out in a beautiful '50s girl' poodle skirt outfit, but she felt that she looked "bad."  Man, it's going to be a rough adolescence with her.  Maybe I should dress her up as a Stay Puff Marshmallow next year so she can hide inside the costume.

We Trick or Treated in the cold last night with friends and we all convened at my house afterward for a roaring fire, spiced apple wine, and tons of food and desserts!  I think we should definitely make this a tradition.

So now that all this Halloween stuff is finally over, we can focus on the fact that it is now November... the month of Thanksgiving, Rella's fifth birthday, election day and... hey, look at that... 

MY BIRTHDAY!  Oh, and huh... imagine that... it's TODAY!!

Every so often my birthday falls on an Election Year and this is one of them.  The year I was born, Richard Nixon was elected as our country's president.  Wow, I think that little factoid really dates me more so than flaunting my age.  Now, if you really want to figure out how old I am, you gotta WORK for it.

On this, my 29th (ahem) birthday I woke up at 6:15 and got three out of four kids ready for school.  Rella and I then went on the errands circuit - bank, library, pharmacy, grocery store, CB's school, and Angels of God to drop off toiletries, clothing and food for hurricane relief at the Jersey shore.

And, of course, I went to vote.  I don't know why, but I get a little jittery thrill when I step out of my car to cast my vote.  Rella came with me and wanted to wait outside the curtain.  When I emerged I gave a fist pump in the air and said "Whooo hoooo!  I voted!!"  I don't know why, but I get all sorts of jazzed about it... not really because of WHOM I vote for , but that I have this gift - this FREEDOM - of voting and let me tell you something - if you are a woman and you do not vote?  That flat out sucks.  Our Fore Mothers went through a LOT to give us this right and privilege so get your little tush out there and cast your vote whether you want to or not!

The day wrapped up with the ordinary stuff... my brother and nephew came over for dinner as they do every Tuesday, so I cooked (and cleaned the dishes too... what a rip off).  CB got into her diaper and painted the floor and carpet brown so there was a major carpet cleaning too. My husband who promised the kids he'd bring home a cake didn't have enough time to pick one up after work so no "Happy Birthday To Me" song. I missed a phone call from friends going out and by the time I heard the voicemail I was already in my glasses and sweatshirt and polishing off a my first glass of 2 day old wine which meant going out was SO not happening.  You know, it was just the birthday stuff of the aged, haggard mother variety.

I did, however, get a gift - The keys to a new car parked in the garage.

Before you get all excited for me, it's not as sexy as it sounds.  It's a minivan.  A very new and quite loaded minivan, but the same minivan we've been driving for years.  Only nicer and better.  I LOVE it and it's super "new car clean."  

We'll see how long that lasts.  

GOOD one Ms. Coulter!

LMAO Ann Coulter!  You are so freakin' hilarious!  Good one... really... REALLY.  Touche!  We are all impressed with your snarky, well educated quips.  We all know being a 'retard' is never a compliment - you got those democrats GOOD!

Oh, and my 17 year old daughter who has been diagnosed with "Severe Mental Retardation" thinks it's hilarious too.  

She must be laughing on the inside.  

If she could talk (or take care of any of her self-care needs) she would let you know that you are a freakin' RIOT.  But she's the REAL 'retard' after all, not the slang that we like to throw around to insult TYPICAL people.  So, since she can't talk or read or write or even UNDERSTAND what you have said, no harm no foul.  

Carry on, Ms. Coulter.  It's just a word after all.  It's only a word.  It means nothing to anyone who matters.

**** 

To read a much nicer post that says it WAY better than I ever could, visit Jessica at Four Plus and Angel HERE.

 Yeah Good Times created this blog hop.  If you are a blogger who would like to participate, see below or contact Jillismo on her blog.

I'll Take The Diaper Behind Door One, Monty.

The one night a week our family has free never really ends up being free.

Tuesday evening I ran out the door at 5:45 without time to eat the dinner I made.  I dashed to the 6:00 Math Interventionist meeting at Tink's elementary school followed by the 7:30 informational parent meeting at the church for Pink's Catholic Sacraments this Spring.  Before sprinting directly to my book club (that I was already an hour late for) I was called home on the Bat Phone for a Code Brown.  CB's diaper needed to be changed.

I snuck into the house, not wanting the kids to see me and become trapped in the vortex.  I snuck past Tink's room where she lay reading aloud to her father.  He gave me a silent nod and drew no attention to the woman creeping down the hallway to handle the pooh. I snuck past Pink's room where she lay reading to Rella, her tiny voice with its little lisp like a song.  I entered CB's room where she smiled upon seeing me, a smile that filled her entire face with the full brightness of a sun.  Where she jumped up off her bed and hugged me tight as if I had been gone a lifetime... which made her soiled diaper and my detoured route completely insignificant.

I only thought briefly about how crazy it is that I have to run home to change a diaper even though my youngest is 4 and my oldest is 17 and I should be far beyond that stage now.

Then I thought of all the things I could be called home for: a cell phone ring that splits open a daydream and you answer only to hear sobs of bad news; flames rendering everything to ash; a fatal diagnosis, a crash, a fall, a hemorrhage; an ambulance ride, a finale.

All the things you could be called home to do or see or fix or grieve.  All the things that you think will never happen to you, but they happen to someone who thinks it will never happen to them.

I'll take the diaper, thank you.

The voices of my children reading snuggled safe in bed.
The hug of a daughter who cannot speak.
A husband who appreciates me every day.
The friends who await me with wine and laughter.

Last night was just another day in the life
and I have no complaints.

Weekend Wrap-Up: Nine Eleven

"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal,
Love leaves a memory no one can steal."
~Author Unknown

New York, New York

So, how lucky were we to spend 3 days in New York.... KIDLESS?!?!  Lucky, oh so lucky.  

We had arranged for our girls to stay with their grandparents for a long weekend, but didn't really have any plans of what we were going to do.  Originally, up until the morning we dropped them off, we thought we would just stay local and go into Philly for meals and entertainment.  But, at about 8:30 am on the first day of our freedom, Dr. Fabulous announced:  "I got us a hotel in New York."  

And just like that, we were whizzing down the New Jersey Turnpike to dump the girls off and hop a train into the heart of Manhattan.  

 That's what I'm talkin' about.

Anyway, I haven't been in New York in about 10 years.  Dr. Fabulous grew up in North Jersey and went into New York quite often as a young adult for the night life.  He also lived in Brooklyn Heights for about 18 months.  He moved out a few weeks before 9-11.  I, on the other hand, had only been in the city a handful of times and would never be able to navigate on my own as a complete and utter suburbanite through and through.

We stayed at the Warwick (which is all kinds of Old Hollywood gorgeous!) right in Midtown.  We were steps from Central Park and Fifth Ave, and a short walk to Broadway and Radio City Music Hall.

We walked so much over those three days.  I'm talking about 12 miles total on FOOT.  My legs felt like they were going to fall off by Monday.  We were really able to cram a lot into those few days:  Dinner at Maxwells followed by "Rent" the first night.  The second day we went for a 3-mile run in Central Park, had Italian coffee then a New York style bagel and proceeded to St. Patrick's church to light a candle for the girls.

We paraded down Fifth Ave which really highlights the dichotomy of New York - you have the poorest of the poor and the richest of the rich.  There are homeless humans on the streets with their feet literally decomposing on their body from advanced diabetes, people starving and picking through trashcans and you can step literally right over them en route to buy a Prada bag ( I did neither by the way-  the stepping over people or the Prada).  I could write a whole existential post on this issue and it was a difficult sort of thing to ignore, but I'm not going to go there right now.

What I do love about New York is the massive amount of diversity and culture and energy, something sorely lacking here in suburbia.  I mean, no where else would you see a protest for "Topless Women's Rights" in the middle of Bryant Park complete with about 30 topless females (surrounded by hundreds of men taking photos of them).  I mean, really.  Even if I HAD topless rights, I don't think I'd be acting upon them.  No one wants to see that hot mess.

After spending Sunday walking through SoHo and Tribeca, stopping for a lunch of cuban food and mojitos, we continued on foot to the W hotel and had some drinks at the bar overlooking the World Trade Center site and the building of the Freedom Tower.   

The Memorial was incredible.  Beautifully done. I'm still at a loss of words to say more.  Simply, beautifully done.  

After a long day we ate at the highly overrated Buddakhan.  Honestly, as swanky as its ambiance is, we had much better food from the Hallal food truck the next afternoon (which also had a line just as long as a Steven Starr restaurant).  

Our last day there we wandered the Museum of Modern Art, conveniently situated right across from our hotel.  It's just spectacular.  

The pieces below are not necessarily our favorite pieces, but Good Lord, to see a real live Picasso, Cezanne, Van Gogh or Monet is pretty freakin' awesome.   Check it out:

There was more... much more.  Anyway, it was wonderful to get away for the first time in over a year with Dr. Fab and I'm dreaming of going back - and taking the girls!

Weekend Wrap Up: Mother's Day

I apologize for not posting for a week.  It's amazing how fast the days go and it scarcely seems a full week has gone by since I ran Broad Street.   Amazingly, I ran 10-miles without any physical injury but then hurt both my knees by incorrectly riding the stationary bike at my gym for 40 minutes.  I didn't know how to properly adjust my seat and I was too embarrassed about it to stop and switch equipment.  I swear, I'm such a dork like that.  

Last week was "Mommy busy."  Mommy -busy is not rocket science, highly technical stuff.  Mommy-busy involves lots of activities to benefit the kids which is a Mommy's main job, of course.  Pink has been enjoying lots of fun through her Girls On The Glow group to include a "Mommy and Me" run at the track and a "make your own homemade pasta" mother-daughter night.  

This was the first Mother's Day weekend in many years that I unfortunately didn't have lunch or tea with my mom the Saturday before.  The good news is that she took Pink and Tink out for a sleep over on Friday night and then to a matinee at the children's theatre Saturday afternoon so I was able to see her briefly when she dropped them off on our way to a great party for one of our friends.  With CB in Maryland visiting her dad and the two middle ones with their Grandma, Rella had "only child" time with us and she milked every moment of it.  Though, she did become quite tearful at bedtime missing her three big sisters.

We spent Mother's Day Sunday in northern Jersey with family which was relaxing - to everyone except my mother in law who cooked and entertained.  Bless her heart... she is a truly selfless woman.

Selflessness.  Motherhood is the perfect blend of exquisite joy and fulfillment with tremendous work and sacrifice. The thing that makes motherhood so hard is the same thing that makes it so uniquely rewarding:  It requires a heavy dose of selflessness.  I mean, true, complete selflessness.  Living for someone else (or multiple someone elses).  Putting yourself second but with joy, not resentment.  Wanting another's happiness, health and well-being before your own.   

I remember seeing a book in Barnes and Noble entitled "I Was A Perfect Mother... Before I Had Children" and thinking about it makes me snicker because that was ME.  I was the world's best mother in my own mind, but fantasy motherhood and real motherhood are two entirely different beasts.

Motherhood, in its true form, is much more than one can imagine.  It is not the romanticized version I had in my head.  It is much more exhausting, consuming, taxing and far more amazing.  It is also the single-most humbling experience I've ever had... remembering my judgemental "pre-parenthood" days where I thought I had everything figured out only to be taught by my 4 little girls that I didn't know jack.  And, I have embraced that.  I guess all I really needed to navigate the waters of motherhood was love and I let that be my guide when I didn't know what I was doing.

After 17 years of motherhood I still don't have all the answers and I'm far from perfect.  But the cool thing is that I don't need to be.  My imperfection makes me a damn good mom as does my openness to learning and growing WITH my girls.  As I teach my children, they teach me.  We learn in tandem.   It's a joy to be their mom.   The four of them are the best thing I've ever done.

 The one who teaches me the most of all, is the one who doesn't say a word.  Life's greatest lessons can often come from listening to that which others may not hear.  

Man, I'm getting deep.

Oh, P.S. - I got an amazing mother's day gift ... if you are into material things which I am SOOOO not which is why I was SOOOO NOT excited by this gift at ALL...

Psych.

The necklace AND this Canon Rebel (along with an awesome bundle to include a kick butt telephoto lens) were my Mother's Day gifts.  Not that I've been talkin' about wanting this camera for approximately 1,000 years or anything...

Yes, I'm spoiled rotten.

In more ways than one.