First Day Of Kindergarten

Before school started we went to an amusement park. This is the first "non baby" ride Pink ever went on without a parent. She's here with her 9 year old niece. As it rose up into the air and spun around way faster than I thought it would, I watched her with butterflies in my tummy and a big smile on my face. Half the smile was real, the joy of seeing her little face light up. Half the smile was forced. I didn't think she was ready for this ride. I wondered if she'd freak. I was freaking. I feared she'd get hurt. Maybe she was ready to be up there but I wasn't sure I was ready to have her up there. Too high and too far to reach out and save her; to hug her; to hold her.

She was okay. More than okay. She had fun. She was more ready than I.

Flash forward to today. Pink's first day of Kindergarten. The last day she'd ever be home with me 24-7. The first day of growing up, gaining independence. Needing me less. It's the day I've been looking forward to for a long time. All those long afternoons home with the 3 kids thinking "I can't wait until they grow up and are in school and I can get some time for myself again." Yes, I'll have more "me" time one day. But there is time I can't ever get back too. Time you don't realize you've frittered or taken for granted until days like these.

She's growing. She's going.

So, here she is on day one, with her Kai Lan back pack. So excited.


Her dad and I dropped her off at school. She won't ride the bus until we move into district. I start to cry before she's even out of the car. I try to hug her but she's distracted. She's focused on whether her Rintoo change purse is dangling the right way from her back pack. Ah, to be 5.

Her dad walks her across the street while I stay at the car with the other girls, feeling my heart full of sorrow and pride, trepidation and excitement, all at the same time. It's funny what motherhood does to your heart.

She predicted last night that SHE wouldn't cry, but that I would. She predicted correctly.

So, I stayed behind with the other girls and watched her walk all the way into the school. My little princess born just yesterday at 8 pounds, 6 ounces walked into Kindergarten like a big girl. I watched her from the side lines. Too far to reach her, save her, hug her, hold her. But I knew she wasn't scared or sad. So I watched her until her pigtails disappeared around the bend.

 And, to my pride and my heart ache, she never once turned to look back.