Monday, September 7, 2009

There's No Cinderella Complex HERE

How in God's name do people mop floors? I mean, seriously. I need a tutorial. The kitchen floor in my old house was hard wood, so I used that Mop n' Glow "squirt out of the bottle directly on the floor as you go stuff" and a spongey mop thing. No bucket. Before that, I had some ceramic tile that I never needed to clean because it never showed any dirt. Awesome stuff. I love filth you can't see. I really don't remember how I cleaned that thing. I think I just let the twice/month cleaning people do it. We were a 2 income family then. The perks including a cleaning lady. Um, spoiled. Me. Yes.

Now, in our temporary rental housing I have linoleum floors. So I get this bucket and this soapy stuff and figure I add a capful and fill the bucket with hot water. All I know is I had suds all over me, all over the counters, and clinging to the chairs I was too lazy to move as I mopped under the table. The floor seemed clean, but way too sudsy. Do I have to mop it AGAIN to get the suds up??!!? I banged my head on various wooden kitchen things like 1,000 times, and left my dirty barefoot foot prints everywhere. So, now the floor is soapy and dirty. I mean, is it just me or do you just spread the dirty water around with this method?

So, I dump out the stupid nasty bucket and fill with clean water to go over the floor again (are you kidding me?) and it doesn't really pick up all the suds so I'm all pissed and grumpy and muttering profanity. Finally, I just grab bathtowels and wipe the floors on my hands and knees. This just doesn't seem sanitary to me. The mop is like totally gross and this is what I'm supposed to use over and over to "clean" my floors? And, do you REALLY have to go over the floor this many times? My husband swears "yes" because one of his chores as a kid was to mop the floor. The old fashioned way. Clearly, I did not have chores growing up. Don't ask me why. I never cooked, cleaned, did my own laundry. I was basically raised to not be able to take care of myself one bit. I need to call up my parents and chew them out. I'm so ill prepared for life.

WTF people. WTF. Is THIS what it takes to mop a floor? What did people DO before Swiffer Wet Jet? This is totally for the birds. For reals.

Um, I know what you're thinking. And you're probably right.

That's about it. Just had to get that out.


Corrie Howe said...

I love Swifer Jet myself. I tossed out my mop and bucket awhile ago. But to be honest, I understand where you are. Before my husband and I changed the floor, I cleaned and cleaned with every thing imaginable. I even got down on my hands and knees to "clean" the floor.

Then I got a new floor, darker with a nice pattern so dirt is really hard to see. The guy who installed it said, "You need to put felt on the bottom of your chairs and table or else the shine on your floor goes away faster."

Oh! So it wasn't that my floor wasn't clean, it was that it no longer had any shine. I felt dumb. But then, this is the first house I've ever owed or lived in for more than two years. I hadn't a clue about maintaining a house.

And to be honest, the week I spent on jury duty, talking about everything but the case in the back room while the judge and lawyers argued out of our hearing...well...I learned a lot about owning a home. I had no idea that septic tanks need to be cleaned out every couple of years....who knew?

Elizabeth said...

I was going to say Swiffer, but then you beat me to it. If you really MUST mop, wrap a dishtowel around the bottom of a broom or a spongemop or even a Swiffer. Use stuff that squirts from a bottle and swirl around with that. Then you remove the dishtowel and wash it in the washing machine. You do have a washing machine, right? If not, I'm really worried.

Tanya @ TeenAutism said...

Yeah, with you on that one. Mopping just seems like a waste of valuable time. I specifically bought a certain pattern of linoleum for the kitchen so that it would show the least amount of dirt possible, and my entryway is dark ceramic tile. I'm ashamed to admit how rarely I mop.

Queenbuv3 said...

I have gone back and forth between the mop and the Swiffer Wetjet. Our old apartment had horrible floors that didn't look clean unless I used a mop and bucket. Our current apartment has nice new linoleum floors and I started out with the mop and bucket but got sick of all the work. I decided I would rather spend gobs of money on refills and be able to have a clean floor in five minutes once a week than only mop once a month because I hated how long it took with the mop and bucket. Swiffer Wetjet is a miracle invention!

michelle said...

I'm not a fan of Swiffer. I never feel like it really cleans. I also have cheesy linoleum in my waiting to be redone kitchen. It looks dirty like a minute after I've been on my hands and knees cleaning it. Thank God it's a small kitchen. I use diluted Fabuloso in a spray bottle and a wash cloth. Anything else leaves a sticky dull film on the already dull looking 70's linoleum.

I need that never looks dirty tile. Something to look forward to!

Beth L. Gainer said...

I'm so in love with Swiffer, that it's become sort of an occult religion for me!! I share your pain because I used to mop -- sometimes towels and all.

If Cinderella had Swiffer, she'd have more time to date the prince.

Nose_in_a_book said...

Back many moons ago I worked as a kitchen hand and one of my tasks was to mop the floor. Turns out the secret is to have a special bucket with two compartments - one for clean soapy water and one with a grill thing on top that you squeeze the dirty water into. Works a treat.

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