Thursday, February 28, 2013

tHERsDay: Nothing Is Missing



There are fleeting moments every now and then when I look at CB and think she looks so much like a regular, neurotypical teenager. It usually has to do with the outfit - skinny jeans and boots and a certain style top. 

It's in those moments when she stops stimming with her pom poms and her beads, the drool is just wiped from her chin, and a wry smile  lights up her face. Then, I see it.  I see the parrallel life we might have lived.  The life with CB but without the neurological differences.


A mental picture crystalizes for a nanosecond against my better judgement, one where I hear her voice talking to me about a boyfriend or colleges or begging for a new cell phone. No more than a single moment, then the glimpse is gone. 


Those little moments used to cause me heartache. Now they leave a wistful smile on my face. 
Over time, I find that there is less mourning for all that might have been, and more knowing that maybe nothing has been missed or stolen.  

Maybe everything is exactly as it ought to be. 

9 comments:

Elizabeth said...

I was just telling someone today that I don't know when I realized that nothing is missed in my Sophie and that she is who she has always been.

kario said...

She is so lovely.

I was reminded of something one woman said about her child with Down's Syndrome in Andrew Solomon's book "Far From the Tree." She was talking to a physician about treatment options for her newly diagnosed infant and the doctor gave her a rambling list of interventions and then said, "We could do all that and she still isn't going to be perfect." The mother was so angry at his insensitivity. She told the author, "how dare he say that! Neither will he!" True, that.

Alicia D said...

@kari- i remember that mother from Solomon's book. That book was wonderful! Thanks for reminding me :)

anonova said...

Nope, nothing missing there. She's a lovely young lady. :)

Kerri said...

what a beautiful girl. nothing is missing in that smile (found you via love that max)

Jackie said...

Beautifully aid. I feel this way about my son.

Jackie said...

I meant... beautifully said :)

Kim said...

Beautiful. Nothing is missing.

Mama Deb said...

I love this, Alicia. I'm seeing those glimpses differently these days too.

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